brief baby story & thursday thanks

My first experience at motherhood has been a rocky one. I wonder if I idealized it too much.

The labor:

It was a hard one, according to my midwife (not that I have anything to compare it to). She keeps that I am a “trooper” because she thinks I don’t really let on to how much agony I’m in. But I went into it knowing it would be hard and probably long (30 hours). When my mother went into labor with me, and was only 3 cm dilated after 30 hours, so I didn’t expect too much better. Thankfully it was!

Joe and I were really sure we were going to have a boy. All of the ‘signs’ pointed to it. We didn’t have an ultrasound, but the heartbeat was super mellow (boy), I carried all in front (boy), my complexion was the best it had ever been, and so many people told me I was “glowing” (boy). So when our midwife handed my baby to me, and she said, “Shall we find out?” I didn’t even know what she was asking me. Then she opened the baby’s legs and she said, “It’s a…girl!” I was almost in disbelief. But I looked, and indeed, she is a girl. She’s perfect, beautiful, darling little girl, who let out only one or two sobs to assure us all she was breathing, and then quieted right down.

She weighed 8 1/2 lbs, 20 inches, and 14 inch round head (ouch!).

Post part em:

I will spare the gory details and just say this; it has been super hard.

Physically I have had a hard time; healing from the birth itself, mastitis, and surgery to drain an abscess (the surgeon told me I was stoic – high pain threshold). The surgery is being followed by multiple doctor’s visits to make sure I am healing properly. I am nursing, but Piper refuses to latch properly, which is painful. Even after more than 3 weeks, I’m using a nursing aid.

Emotionally I have had a hard time; traumatic even. My hormones and lack of sleep are only the beginning of it. I’m also filled with fears of getting pregnant again (how will I endure the pain now that I know exactly what it is?),  or developing another breast infection, or paying the hospital bills whenever they come, etc.

But then I’m glad that today is Thursday, because it’s time to examine my life and give thanks in all circumstances.

Thursday Thanks

Taking time to reflect on God’s goodness, no matter the circumstances.

I’m thankful because:

  • my baby is beautiful, healthy, and growing.
  • I am alive.
  • God allows me to go through trials for my good (even when I can’t see).
  • my husband has cared for me intently through it all.
  • my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory. (Philippians 4:19)
  • my mother has been there for me this whole time; cooking and feeding Joe and me, babysitting while I sleep, taking me to doctor’s appointments.
  • I have friends who pray for me and have been encouraging me the whole way – thank you more than you know!

1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God concerning you.”

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4 thoughts on “brief baby story & thursday thanks

  1. Nicki, I wil keep praying for your health and the love around you with all of your family and husband……Hugs nancy

  2. Thinking so much of you these days and wanting to call but thinking maybe I’ll wait a little longer so as not to interrupt precious sleep when you’re getting it. So glad you’re surrounded by love and support even in the midst of a rough season. Praising God for His provision in your life, now and to come. Love you dearly friend. She’s a beauty.

  3. You are doing great!!! No one ever tells a pregnant mom how hard the first few months are. You WILL get through this, and you’ll be stronger and more aware of your dependence on God because of it! Parenting is just one of those things that highlights how much we truly need Jesus. Someday, you actually may look back on this with sweet memories 🙂 even of the sleepless nights…praying for you!!!

  4. Hi! I just found you through Ravelry. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter, children are such a blessing!! Come say hi to us over at Inspired! Happy weekend!

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