My first experience at motherhood has been a rocky one. I wonder if I idealized it too much.
It was a hard one, according to my midwife (not that I have anything to compare it to). She keeps that I am a “trooper” because she thinks I don’t really let on to how much agony I’m in. But I went into it knowing it would be hard and probably long (30 hours). When my mother went into labor with me, and was only 3 cm dilated after 30 hours, so I didn’t expect too much better. Thankfully it was!
Joe and I were really sure we were going to have a boy. All of the ‘signs’ pointed to it. We didn’t have an ultrasound, but the heartbeat was super mellow (boy), I carried all in front (boy), my complexion was the best it had ever been, and so many people told me I was “glowing” (boy). So when our midwife handed my baby to me, and she said, “Shall we find out?” I didn’t even know what she was asking me. Then she opened the baby’s legs and she said, “It’s a…girl!” I was almost in disbelief. But I looked, and indeed, she is a girl. She’s perfect, beautiful, darling little girl, who let out only one or two sobs to assure us all she was breathing, and then quieted right down.
She weighed 8 1/2 lbs, 20 inches, and 14 inch round head (ouch!).
Post part em:
I will spare the gory details and just say this; it has been super hard.
Physically I have had a hard time; healing from the birth itself, mastitis, and surgery to drain an abscess (the surgeon told me I was stoic – high pain threshold). The surgery is being followed by multiple doctor’s visits to make sure I am healing properly. I am nursing, but Piper refuses to latch properly, which is painful. Even after more than 3 weeks, I’m using a nursing aid.
Emotionally I have had a hard time; traumatic even. My hormones and lack of sleep are only the beginning of it. I’m also filled with fears of getting pregnant again (how will I endure the pain now that I know exactly what it is?), or developing another breast infection, or paying the hospital bills whenever they come, etc.
But then I’m glad that today is Thursday, because it’s time to examine my life and give thanks in all circumstances.
Taking time to reflect on God’s goodness, no matter the circumstances.
I’m thankful because:
- my baby is beautiful, healthy, and growing.
- I am alive.
- God allows me to go through trials for my good (even when I can’t see).
- my husband has cared for me intently through it all.
- my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory. (Philippians 4:19)
- my mother has been there for me this whole time; cooking and feeding Joe and me, babysitting while I sleep, taking me to doctor’s appointments.
- I have friends who pray for me and have been encouraging me the whole way – thank you more than you know!
1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God concerning you.”